


You're Fucking Perfect To Me

by I_glitterz



Category: Adam Lambert (Musician), Tommy Ratliff (Musician)
Genre: Angst, Eating Disorders, Hurt/Comfort, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-10-28
Updated: 2011-10-28
Packaged: 2017-10-25 01:14:52
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,596
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/270065
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/I_glitterz/pseuds/I_glitterz
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It didn’t matter that he’d lost a good sixty pounds in the last five years, or that his ribs, hip bones, and shoulders jutted out, all he could see was the jiggly fat, and it made him nauseous.</p>
            </blockquote>





	You're Fucking Perfect To Me

He’d been this way for as long as he could remember. He liked it, how it made him feel knowing he had ultimate control over at least one thing in his life. It started after one night at a club, he was hanging with friends and drinking when a girl, that he had recently met, started jokingly teasing him for having love handles. That was the catalyst, he looked in the mirror and saw fat. It needed to go.

* * *

Standing in front of the mirror now, Adam poked at the skin just under his belly button. It didn’t matter that he’d lost a good sixty pounds in the last five years, or that his ribs, hip bones, and shoulders jutted out, all he could see was the jiggly fat, and it made him nauseous.

“Fucking fat,” Adam mumbled under his breath, pulling at the skin of his stomach then pressing it back in, turning to the side to see how far everything stuck out and sucking in his stomach. The freckles made everything look worse. His skin was paler, his hair not as shiny, but he looked skinnier, he had to give himself credit for that.

He sighed, walking over to his bed and grabbed his jeans off the comforter. He had an interview in a few and Neil would be here soon so he needed to be ready, not waste his time looking at his stomach, arms, and legs in the mirror. He needed to be camera ready before Neil arrived.

There was a knock at the door that startled him and he rushed into the bathroom for his shirt, feeling the way his thighs jiggled at the quick and sudden movement. That needed to go next. Maybe he could bike a few hours longer or dance just a little bit harder, help tone up the flab. He did a quick once over of his face and added a bit of concealer under his eyes and quickly lined them with liner.

“Coming!” Adam yelled as the knocking continued and he pulled his shirt over his head and his socks and shoes on his feet. He grabbed his jacket and phone, opening the door while he slid on his jacket, card key already in his pocket.

“You’re doing it again,” Neil stated with his eyebrows creased as he looked at Adam’s body. His eyes turning equal parts angry and worried as he folded his arms over his chest. Adam defiantly walked past him.

“Doing what?” Adam asked, checking his phone for absolutely nothing, and pointedly not looking at Neil. He didn’t want to see the worried look his brother always gave him when he’d find out Adam was “fixing” himself again. It was an off-on process Adam went through. He’d feel better when he hadn’t looked into the mirror, so he’d eat, then that small glance or misplaced comment would send his world crashing back down again, the image of his stomach sticking out and the laughter popping into his head, and he’d swear off food like it was the plague.

“Not eating. I can see it. You look sick.” Neil pointed out.

“I’m not sick! I’m fine, I feel fine, I just need to lose a few more pounds and then I’ll look better.”

“Adam, half the world thinks you are fine just the way you are! Why do you keep doing this to yourself?” Neil’s frustration showing as he fisted his hands at his side.

Adam groaned. “Come on, no one wants a fat, freckled ginger. So back the fuck off and go annoy someone else for a change,” Adam snarled, phone gripped tightly as he stomped off towards the elevator. He didn’t need to hear the same thing he’d heard a million times from Neil. He didn’t know what they saw, but it wasn’t what he saw in the mirror. He just needed to get to his goal, just a few more pounds and he would be perfect.

~~~~

“Someone needs to talk to him before he passes out from not eating. He refuses to listen to me, and I’m pretty sure choking him won’t fix this.” Neil ranted, flailing his hands and glaring at everyone on the bus.

“We can’t do anything if he doesn’t see a problem.” Everyone looked at Isaac and then Neil growled.

“If someone doesn’t talk to him before the next show, I’m gonna tell Lane to cancel until we can get him some help. He’s going to kill himself, this needs to stop.” Neil looked around the room, his eyes suspiciously wet.

“What should we do?” Tommy’s small voice came in. It was the first time he’d said anything since this conversation started.

“I don’t know. Talk to him, find out why, just do _something_ ,” Neil stressed, falling into the table’s chair and resting his head in his hands.

“I’ll talk to him, see what he says,” Tommy said. Everyone looked at him skeptically. “What?”

“He might not listen to you either, Teej. You might intimidate him because he knows you can eat anything you want without gaining a pound,” Monte said.

Tommy shook his head. “No, he’s my best friend, he’ll talk to me.”

“Talk to him, fuck him, do both, I don’t care, but make sure he eats before the show tomorrow night,” Neil said, and Tommy raised an eyebrow. “Look, I don’t want details... just please fix him.” Neil went to the bunks and everyone else sat still, thinking of some way they could talk to Adam or make him eat without being too obvious that they were doing it.

“Wow,” Tommy said, making everyone turn to him. “Am I that obvious?”

Everyone nodded mutely. “You’re about as subtle as a firecracker on the fourth of July.” Cam smiled and hugged Tommy.

Tommy blushed and ducked his head, hiding in her hair.

“So what are we going to do to help him?” Monte asked a few moments later.

“Give me some time. I’ll see if I can’t get through to him and if I can’t, then we’ll go with trying to make him eat something before the show. Let’s hope he doesn’t hate us all in the end.” Tommy got up and went to his bunk.

Everyone else followed a few moments later.

~~~~

Adam heard a knock on the door to his ‘lair’ while he was looking, once again, in the mirror. He’d just gotten to the point where he was about to scream when he heard a small voice come from behind the door.

“Adam, it’s Tommy. Can I come in, please?”

Adam sighed, grabbed his over sized tee and sat on his bed. “It’s open.” He leaned back and watched as the door opened and Tommy appeared in sweats and a black tank top. Tommy smiled at him and then closed the door behind him.

When he turned around, he steadied his gaze on Adam before walking over and climbing onto the bed next to him. “How you doing?”

Adam sighed and ran a hand through his hair. “Hanging in there. What’s up?”

Tommy shrugged and smiled sheepishly. “Just wanted to come lay with you and maybe watch a movie?” he suggested.

Adam raised an eyebrow and then pointed to the DVD player. “Movies are over there, knock yourself out.”

Tommy got up and went to pick out a movie while Adam watched him, watched his body. He was the perfect shape; not too small and not too big, skin smooth and porcelain smooth, hair shiny and bouncy. He wanted that, the perfect body, the perfect skin, so smooth it looked like butter. Adam tore his eyes away from Tommy’s body and looked down at his, seeing a small roll sticking out. Adam pulled the blanket closer, covering his stomach and sighed. He might just throw up.

A few moments later, Tommy bounced on the bed, grabbed the remote and pulled the blanket over himself as well, cuddling close to Adam and pressing play. Adam felt Tommy’s arm wrap around his midsection and his stomach did a flip, tumble, crash and not from the blond being so close, but from his arm laying over his imperfect body. He wished he had a different body; slimmer, not so much flab and more muscle. He sighed again, moving away from Tommy’s touch some, feeling really fat and out of place beside someone so perfect.

He heard Tommy sigh and then felt him shift, moving even closer and locking a leg around one of Adam’s, trapping him where he was. Tommy rested his head on Adam’s chest and resumed watching a movie Adam couldn’t focus on enough to even catch a word they were saying, too busy feeling so out of place that he wanted the bed to open up and swallow him whole.

“Adam, stop thinking so much.” Tommy squeezed his stomach and Adam started shaking. He needed to get away from Tommy’s touch, didn’t want him to feel how fat Adam was underneath all of his clothes.

“Tommy, just, god, just...” Adam couldn’t get the words out. They were stuck in his throat behind the frog that climbed its way up, blocking anything he was trying to say. He needed Tommy to let go, to stop touching.

Tommy lifted his head and looked at Adam confused. “What’s wrong, Baby?”

Tears started forming in his eyes and Adam tried to hold them back. “Please, don’t call me that, just, move, I need to breathe, to think, to...” Adam moved so that he was sitting up and then he got out of his bed and went to the bathroom, closing the door tightly behind him. He felt like he might throw up. Leaning over the sink, he tried to regulate his breathing. Why was it so hard to have his best friend and crush touch him?

A knock on the door sent his stomach lurching. “Adam? Baby, please come out. Talk to me. Tell me what’s wrong.” Tommy sounded so guilty and heartbroken that it sent Adam’s stomach plummeting to his feet and then... Yeah, he raced to the toilet and threw up everything he’d eaten in the past week. He started dry heaving when nothing else came out and then he felt a hand on his shoulder, soothing his shaken body and a hand through his hair getting it out of his face.

Tommy shushed him when he started to protest and then helped him up and to his room. Tommy laid him down on the bed and pulled the covers over him, then left. When he came back, he placed a wet washcloth on Adam’s neck and sat down beside him. Adam’s body was still shaking and he felt too weak to pull away from the hand that landed on his hip.

“Adam, are you okay?” Tommy whispered a few moments later when Adam’s stomach settled down.

Adam shook his head, but didn’t say anything. He didn’t want to talk about it, didn’t want to acknowledge it because if he did, all the memories would come crashing through his mind again.

“Do you want me to leave?”

Adam shook his head again, feeling Tommy shift and move closer to him, then lay down and pull Adam closer making him rest his head on Tommy's shoulder.

“Go to sleep, Babyboy, we’ll talk in the morning.” Tommy combed his fingers through Adam’s hair and that was the last thing he remembered before he fell asleep.

Waking up to a small body next to him wasn’t something he’d felt in a long time. It felt good; right, and he didn’t want that feeling to end, but it soon did when he realized it was Tommy cuddled close to him. Adam shifted and then sat up, waking Tommy in the process.

“Adam? You up now?” Tommy mumbled, scratching his head.

“Yeah,” Adam croaked out, voice gone to shit from all the puking he’d done last night.

Adam watched as Tommy sat up and then roll over to snuggle back into Adam. “You wanna talk now?”

Adam sighed. “There’s nothing to say, Tommy.”

“Okay well I’ll start then. Who told you you were fat?”

Adam flinched and then sighed. “No one, not intentionally, at least I don’t think it was intentional.”

“You don’t think. Adam, you’re starving yourself because you think you’re fat, that’s not normal. Can you please tell me why?”

Adam got angry then. He wasn’t a child that needed coaxing, he was a grown ass man. “Stop trying to help me when I don’t need it, Tommy. Everyone thinks there’s something wrong with me when the only thing wrong is that I’m fucking fat, okay?”

Tommy furrowed his eyebrows. “Adam, you’re not fat, far from it. You may think you are, but you’re not. You’re so skinny right now it makes you look skeletal with how tall you are. You’re so beautiful that it hurts to stand next to you and know you don’t see it, too.”

Adam got up and started pacing. “I’m not beautiful, I’m not skinny, I’m so ugly that if I even look in the mirror, I want to puke. There’s nothing beautiful in that.”

Tommy got up and walked closer to Adam. "You are the most beautiful person I have ever met. Watching you do this to yourself breaks my heart. You think I'm perfect? I don't work out, I eat like a frat boy and have a bit of a beer belly. Not perfect. Nobody can be perfect, baby." Tommy pulled Adam close, running his hands through Adam's limp hair.

Adam looked away from Tommy and pulled out of his hold. “You’re wrong. You’re biased because you’re my friend, that’s it.”

Tommy groaned. "Adam, I've been attracted to you since day one. I can't count how many times I wanted to drag you off or shove you against a wall and kiss you. I get raging jealous when you paying attention to all those fanboys. It makes me want to drag you off and put my marks all over you so you know you're mine." Tommy paused as Adam nodded slightly in acknowledgement. "Baby, you need to eat. If you don't, we will have to cancel concerts. It's not healthy, the last thing you want is to collapse on stage and not only scare your fans, but hurt yourself. Please, try?"

Adam looked at Tommy, at the pleading look in his eyes and he sighed. “It’s so hard. I’m scared. Will you help me?”

Tommy kissed Adam’s cheek and hugged him. “I want to help you see that you’re beautiful, not fat and just perfect the way you are, okay? I love you, Adam, and I don’t want to see you waste away to nothing because of a lie someone told you. You’re perfect.”

Adam pulled back, vulnerability shown through every part of his body. “You really think I’m beautiful?”

Tommy smiled and leaned up to place a chaste kiss to Adam’s lips. “The most beautiful.”

Adam smiled. He had to say that it felt nice to hear that he was beautiful, that he wasn’t what he saw in the mirror. He wanted to give this a shot. For Tommy, for the band, the fans, but most importantly, for himself. He could do this.

~~~~

Adam had been doing great, eating with band and working with himself on feeling beautiful. He’d look in the mirror now and tell himself he was beautiful even if the only thing he saw was an ugly ginger kid who was laughed at for his love handles and flabby thighs. The band was great with his eating schedule. He wouldn’t eat full out meals, but he would snack every few hours to constantly give his body the energy it needed.

The first time Adam had had sex with Tommy, it was a good half hour before they could even start because every time Tommy went to pull Adam’s clothes off, Adam would freak out and stop, saying he couldn’t do it and that he wasn’t ready, but Tommy was there, encouraging him that he was, that it was just Tommy, who thought he was perfect, beautiful, gorgeous, everything. Adam finally relented and he still couldn’t believe all the things Tommy told him. Always complimenting him, showing how much he loved Adam, making him feel good even when Adam was the one worshipping Tommy’s body, touching and feeling him with his hands and mouth. When Adam had finally pushed inside of Tommy, it felt like the cheesiest saying he’d ever thought; but it was like coming home.

Everything seemed to be going fine, Adam was eating regularly, Tommy and Adam had sex all the time, Adam felt on top of the world. Until one day, the tabloids wrote an article about how much weight Adam had gained. Then his world came crashing down around his feet.

“Those motherfuckers!” Tommy shouted, throwing the magazine down on the table and pacing the hotel room they were all staying at.

“Tommy, calm down, everything is fine,” Isaac said, trying to calm an outraged Tommy.

Tommy glared at him. “No, Isaac, everything’s not fine! Adam’s not fine! Those motherfuckers don’t know how hard he’s worked to be where he is right now and they go for the lowest blow in the fucking world and talk about his weight?” Tommy screamed, throwing his phone onto the couch. Adam had called and said that he’d seen the article and that he was freaking out. Tommy had calmed Adam down enough, told him to get through the interview he was going to and that they’d talk when he got back to the hotel.

Tommy didn’t know what was going to happen when Adam came back, what he’d look like or how he’d act, but Tommy wasn’t going to let him fall to the bottom like he was a few months ago. That just wouldn’t happen, and Tommy was going to make sure of that. “It’s just, he’s not healed yet, still feels so insecure. This was the worst time to bring this shit up.”

Isaac got up and walked to the mini fridge, grabbed a couple of beers and handing one to Tommy. “I’m sure he’ll listen to you, I mean, you guys have been dating for a few months now, and he’s been getting so much better.”

Tommy sighed, opening his beer and sitting down on the edge of the in table. He sipped his beer and then set it down, running a hand through his hair. He had to figure out a way to make sure Adam knew that those fuckers from the tabloids were just that, fuckers. That’s when an idea formed into his head. He knew exactly what he was going to do for Adam to show him that he didn’t need to go back to his old ways.

He just needed a few things first.

~~~~

Being freaked the fuck out wasn’t even the understatement of the century when it came to how Adam felt about people noticing his weight gain. He’d noticed it, too, but it seemed like Tommy didn’t care, so he didn’t think he should either, but now that it was out in the open where anyone could read it, see it, fucking _laugh_ at it, he was freaking the fuck out.

The interviewer didn’t talk about anything but his concerts, the album, when he was going to start working on album number two, so Adam figured he was in the clear of answering questions about his weight gain. That was until he’d left the building and the paparazzi had circled him and started asking about his weight gain, if he was happy with it, and other things he didn’t even want to think about because if he did, he might break. He was on the edge, ready to crumble again and he needed to leave, to go be with Tommy. He needed some comfort at the moment.

When he arrived at the hotel, the car dropped him off in the front and he made it through the lobby without being pummeled by fans or cameras so he counted that as a win. He rushed to the elevator, Lane on his heels and then up to his room.

Walking into his hotel room, something was seriously off. The lights, for one, were out and no one was in the room, not even Tommy. There was a light in the bathroom, but it was dim, too dim to be a light bulb. He made his way over to the bathroom after discarding his jacket and shoes.

When he opened the door, he gasped. Rose petals, candles, steam and the scent of Sandalwood filled the air. There was a soft hum of music and there was a body already in the tub when he turned to see it filled with steaming hot water.

“Tommy, what’s going on?” Adam asked skeptically.

“Get in, no talking for now. I just want to take care of you for a few, okay?” Tommy whispered, extending a hand from the tub, making a sploshing sound when the water moved.

Adam slowly got undressed and then got into the tub, fitting himself next to Tommy, but Tommy put his legs on either side of Adam and made him rest his head on Tommy’s chest as Tommy brought up handfuls of water to run over his chest.

“You’re perfect, you know that? Just perfect,” Tommy whispered into his ear, rubbing his hands down the front of Adam’s body, making him shiver.

“But they saw --” Tommy cut Adam off before he could finish.

“It doesn’t matter what they saw. Their opinions don’t matter. All that matters it how you feel when you see yourself.”

“I’m not sure how I feel anymore,” Adam admitted, hating the fact that he was doubting himself again. He didn’t want to go back to not eating to lose weight, but he didn’t want to gain it enough that people were starting to notice it either.

“Baby, what are you thinking?” Tommy rubbed his hands softly down Adam’s sides and then moved out from underneath him to straddle his hips.

Adam looked up and saw the hunger in Tommy’s eyes, but what he also saw always startled him. He saw love, admiration, belonging. He grabbed Tommy’s hips and then sighed when Tommy ran a finger lightly over his mostly firm stomach. “I’m thinking that I don’t want to be noticed for gaining weight. I feel weird, like maybe I should go back to not eating, but I don’t _want_ to. Does that make sense?”

Tommy smiled. “You’re fighting with yourself on it. Do you think you’re fine the way you are? What do you see when you look into the mirror?” Tommy ran his hands down Adam’s body to his hips as he talked, making Adam’s cock jump when Tommy lifted up a little bit to run his hands down Adam’s thighs.

Adam groaned softly, but otherwise made no sound, trying to think of what he saw when he looked into the mirror. “I see someone whose gotten so far, whose succeeded, but is still insecure about the way he looks, the way other’s see him. I see someone who has all the potential to be beautiful, but sometimes I see what I saw before. I feel beautiful, healthy, but sometimes I don’t see it. It’s like I know I’m beautiful, but I don’t see what others see when they look at me.” Adam wrapped a hand around Tommy’s length and slowly squeezed it in his hand, feeling it harden some before he let go. This was making him feel better, talking it out, and well... amongst other things.

Tommy groaned when Adam stopped touching him and leaned down to kiss Adam. It was heated, but more of a simmer, slow licks and thrusts of the tongue into the other’s mouth. Adam felt his chest tighten and then loosen when Tommy shifted and rubbed his ass against Adam’s dick.

“You’re so beautiful, Adam. God, you’re perfect.” Tommy bit his way down Adam’s neck, sending tingle after tingle shivering down his body and his dick hardened between the clefts of Tommy’s ass.

Adam started to thrust up, not wanting to let go of this moment for anything. He always felt perfect when he was with Tommy, whether it was just them moving together or the way they spoke to one another, showering each other with praises and love. He wanted, _needed_ , Tommy now.

Like Tommy read his mind, he pulled back from the mark he’d been creating on Adam’s neck and leaned forward, lifting up and reaching between them for Adam’s length, positioning it against his hole and then Tommy slid down so easily it surprised Adam until his brain caught up with the fact that Tommy had prepped himself before Adam got into the room. He moaned at the idea of Tommy fucking himself with his fingers and then moaned at the feel of Tommy clenching down around him and sinking lower.

Adam gripped his hips harder and harder the lower he sank, loving the fact that Tommy could take all of him and still want more. Tommy gripped his shoulders so hard, Adam was sure that bruises would form just as bruises were forming on Tommy’s hips from the steel grip Adam had on them. When Tommy was fully seated in Adam’s lap, Adam shifted until he felt the rough patch he’d been looking for and then aimed for that with his first thrust, making Tommy literally melt into his arms, head hitting his shoulder as a moan of pleasure ripped from his throat.

Adam scooted up more in the bath tub, getting a good grip with his feet and started thrusting into Tommy, slow, hard thrusts, feeling the way Tommy tried meeting them, but the harder Adam pushed back into him, the less coordinated Tommy got.

“Fuck Adam, fuck,” Tommy panted into his neck, lifting his head to cover Adam’s mouth in an open mouthed kiss that was more breath than actual kissing, but it was hotter than anything Adam had done in a while and he continued to thrust into Tommy, feeling the way Tommy’s body trembled, but rocked against every other thrust, creating a somewhat followable rhythm.

“God baby, so beautiful like this, fuck,” Adam whispered into Tommy’s mouth, feeling the way Tommy melted that much more at the endearment.

“You too, fuck Adam, so perfect.” Tommy moaned that he was close and Adam wrapped his hand around Tommy’s length and stroked it along to the slow thrusts he was pushing into Tommy’s body.

“Mine,” Adam whispered into Tommy’s ear, feeling the exact moment that Tommy fell apart, just for him. His body went tense, so still Adam couldn’t be sure he was breathing at the moment, then stream after stream of come ran over his hand, slicking his way as he kept up his movement.

Tommy clenched around him and it sent Adam thrusting a handful times more before he was hit with his orgasm. Slumped against him, Tommy was panting and shivering as he ran his hands all over Adam’s body, trying to get closer.

A few moments later when they got out of the tub and wrapped towels around their waists, Adam pulled Tommy to his chest and lifted his head to kiss him softly on the lips. “Thank you, Tommy.”

Tommy smiled and kissed Adam again. “Any time, just remember, you’re perfect just the way you are. No one can change that.”

“Yeah,” Adam breathed against Tommy’s lips as he looked at him. “I am.”


End file.
